Monday, March 27, 2017

I open at the close

**WARNING: the following email will probably be dramatic and cheesy and will contain pop-culture references to describe my feelings. #Emotions**
Welp here we are! The last p-day of the mish.

#RealTalkTime: To be completely honest with you, not much happened this week worth reporting on. For the most part, we did a whole lot of touristy things and said "see ya later" to lots of friends. I learned that the Marietta Ward actually liked me a lot more than I thought they did--my stay here was short but I genuinely REALLY enjoyed the time I spent in this ward! Some of the coolest members I've met so far are from here. Honestly, I'm really sad it was short lived. :( I will be back though!

Sister Clark was cold-sick most of the week and this caused me to be pretty home-sick most of the week because I was trapped inside with nothing but my thoughts to distract me so as you can imagine, very little was accomplished with a combo like that haha. So I will skip the rest of the details of my mundane week, and dive straight into the deep abyss of my brain and soul for my final email as a missionary. J 

I’ve been dreading writing this email for the last few weeks mostly because I still don’t know what direction to take it to best express myself. HOW THE HECK do you pour out your soul and put everything you’ve ever learned for the last year and half about who God is, what He can do for you and what He requires of you, personal revelation, the pure love of Jesus Christ, what true greatness is, perspective, the Higher Law, the divine potential of the human race, repentance and sacrifice, the REAL way to happiness in this life and in the next, what it really means to become a “new creature” through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and a billion other things that have been eternally important to the salvation of my soul into a few minuscule paragraphs that probably only 3 people (you know who you are) will even read?

 “Evidently, certain thoughts of the Spirit are so lofty, so poignant, that they cannot be reduced to the oral language or written word of man. They simply defy mortal expression.”—Tad R. Callister.

So in other words, it’ll be darn-near impossible to express myself today. Maybe a Harry Potter analogy will help you see into my brain for a little bit and to get a TINY TASTE of what this experience has been like for me. (of course, I had to throw in some HP haha. I'm still Brenna, I'm just the "new and improved" Brenna :). haha) (Please excuse me for not remembering/botching all the details of the story…)

*read this with your spiritual eyes, envision the movie in your head, and think about how this could apply to Sister Lawson’s mission…it’s easy.*

In a concluding chapter of the 7th book, Harry discovers that one of the last remaining horcruxes resides within him, and he comes to the conclusion that the only way to save everyone else is to surrender himself over to Voldemort to die. In the hours leading up to his decision to make the long, solemn journey into the Forbidden Forest to his death, Harry spends time searching his soul, and has many realizations about himself—who he really is, why his life went the way it did, what he was to learn from it, and what he is to do with his life now. A beautiful moment unfolds where all the dots start to finally connect as he learns what is really most important and he sees what his purpose was all along. 

Once he had come to grips with the fact that he needed to sacrifice everything he was for something greater than himself, he willingly gave up his life for the greater good. Since pure love was his only motivator for his actions, no only was the darkness of the horcrux inside of him removed, but it also enabled him to come back that much stronger to defeat Voldemort for good. In the end, "all was well".

Okay. Cheesy, but someone please try to explain to me the level of awesomeness and sense of purpose that was probably pulsing through Harry's soul at this time. I'm pretty sure it's impossible. But that's a tiny slice of how i feel right now.

It's kind of stupid that literally the only thing I could think of that would even come close to scratching the surface of how I feel about my mission comes from a fictional story about a boy-wizard with a weird shaped scar on his forehead. Nothing really cuts it when trying to explain this. It will be eternally impossible for me to ever put into words all that my mission has done for me, taught me, made me and means to me. I will not ever be able to thank my Father in Heaven enough for allowing me to experience all that I've experienced, to learn all that I've learned and to change in the ways that I've changed. Quite literally, every single aspect of my life is going to be different from this point on and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life."--Ezra Taft Benson

My friends, I will testify that this is true til the day I die.

I know without a doubt that God lives, loves me, is aware of me and is intimately involved in every single detail of my life.

I know without a doubt that He hears and answers prayers. Even the little ones.

I know without a doubt that because of Jesus Christ, who I was and who I am isn't who I have to be.

I know without a doubt that my Savior lives.

The best part about this whole mission-thing is that it doesn't end here.
This is only the beginning.


For the very last time, I'm out y'all!
Sister Lawson

No comments:

Post a Comment