The Week of Realizations

GUYS I love my life.

But instead of giving you the mundane details of my life for the past week, I'm going to send you that "spiritual stuff" I've been promising to send for a while in the form of a letter to my president, copied and pasted just for you. :) You're so special.

"Hey president!

It was a really great week this week. Nothing all that incredibly exciting happened, but it was a week where I had some major realizations, and i was able to reflect back on a lot of the experiences I've had in the last 15 months. The dots started to finally connect this week! At church yesterday, 6 moms of the 9 missionaries serving from the Carrollton Ward got up to share an update on the boys' missions and to share something each of them had written about their feelings on the Savior at Christmastime. At the end, the Bishop's wife got up and read the thoughts her son on a mission in Brazil sent her. One line of what he said in particular hit me so hard that I spent the rest of the day reflecting on it:

'The Lord doesn't need you for the work, you need Him.'

When she read that, I had a flashback to last transfer when we were at a District Leader training meeting run by the zone leaders. At one point, Elder Barton asked us what it means to be a 'good missionary'. People gave their responses--most of them revolving around physical things a missionary does--work hard all day, be exactly obedient, follow the spirit, etc. But then Elder Barton shared an experience he had with a particularly difficult companion who was disobedient, hated working and really didn't have the desire to be there in the first place for one reason or another. He spent that entire transfer working, studying and praying to help that struggling missionary have a good experience loving the work, loving the gospel and loving the Savior. They didn't get much 'missionary work' done that transfer, he said, but to this day, he still considers it to be the most successful 6 weeks he'd ever had in his life because at the end of it, Elder Barton had seen that missionary grow into someone who loved the work and loved the Lord. More importantly though, Elder Barton himself had grown into a more charitable and devoted disciple of Jesus Christ. He had found himself in more ways than he ever would have had he just 'done missionary things' and dragged his companion along with him whether he liked it or not. After telling us this story, Elder Barton said something that has stuck with me to this day and that i reflect on almost daily:

'It is more important for you to love those around you--whether it be your companion, your leaders, other missionaries or the stranger on the street--than it is to baptize. The Lord really doesn't need you for the work because He is powerful enough to get it done without you. But you will change and others will change when you love the way the Savior did.'

Earlier this week, I went on exchanges with Sister Heaton and she asked me what was the biggest lesson I've learned so far and what do I want to accomplish in the 3 months I have left. After thinking about it a while, I told her what Elder Barton said and that that was the most important thing to me now. I've stopped caring about the numbers, I've stopped caring about how many Book of Mormons I give out, I've stopped caring what the leaders think of me and I've stopped worrying about if I'm 'good enough' in the eyes of others around me. The Lord has made it very clear to me in the last few months that i'm doing what He wants me to do if i'm bringing others unto Him through Christlike love and coming unto Him myself. 

I've felt more peace and more joy in the last 3 months on a mission than I have my entire life because I feel like I'm just now starting to scratch the surface of what it REALLY means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. It means living the way that He lived, loving the way that He loved, and being the way that He is.

Our teaching pool has been low for 6 weeks straight, it's cold and wet, it's Christmas and I miss my family, the doors aren't opening, and Sister Smith has way more Christmas presents than I do (haha), and yet I'm STILL so happy! its' kind of funny how it works out like that sometimes. This Christmas compared to the last has been the most fulfilling and happiest of my entire life and it's not even over yet! The circumstances I'm in now would have really gotten me down in the past but now I really couldn't care less. You've been telling me over and over again, President, that our circumstances have nothing to do with our joy and i'm just now starting to really see that. It all has everything to do with where our priorities and focus are. 

The story of Martha and Mary became my new favorite this week because of this idea:

 38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

 39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.

 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

I feel like for most of my mission, I've pondered and prayed and fought and battled with myself to know what "the good part" was for me to focus on and the Lord has revealed it to me at last! 

I had a friend this past week tell me that they've seen a huge change in me in the last 15 months. They said, very lovingly haha, that I used to be "vicious" and too-ready to recognize the weaknesses in others rather than in myself. I had to agree with them. But they also said that I've changed in the fact that my capacity to love others for who they are has increased tremendously. I am by no means a perfectly charitable person yet, but I am getting better and I think that's the miracle of the Atonement. It can change a weak, silly, naive, "vicious" girl into someone a little bit more selfless, a little bit more kind and a little bit more understanding who wants to make her Heavenly Father proud, despite all the weaknesses and imperfections she has.

I know it's cliche to say, but I really am so grateful to be a disciple of Jesus Christ this Christmas season and to represent Him and the life that He lived. In the process of losing myself for His sake, I have found myself in more ways than I ever thought possible. 

It's both a privilege and a burden to tell you how I feel about Him and what He has given me. A privilege because I know He lives, that He loves us all and I want everyone to know that! But a burden because words literally fail me when trying to express the thoughts and feelings of my heart. Let my teardrops on the keyboard be a testimony to you of what I feel and what I know. 

He lives, He loves us, and I know that He would have still come down and suffered all that He suffered even if it was only for you."

__________

Sorry for the novel, but I feel really happy today. :)

I love you all, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!

--Sister Lawson

1. The cutest, most Southern and Christmas-y church I've ever seen! 

2-3. A scary ghetto antique store we went to on exchanges that I actually loved more than I can describe.

4. Once upon a time, I forgot my name tag at service....#Crafty #Art

#LIGHTTHEWORLD

Unfortunately I did the worst job ever of keeping track of exciting things that happened this week.

**Before I forget--Shout out to everyone who has emailed me in the last couple of weeks! I'm really grateful for you, even though i can't respond to you all. You da bomb! Also--Shout out to Brooke and Abbie for getting home recently or coming home this week! THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!!!**

Ariel is still going strong and made it to church this Sunday with her boyfriend Hunter which was ADORABLE. They are so perfect for each other, it's not even funny. Pictures will come soon, I promise! But yeah, they came and shes' still super excited for baptism on the 31st. :)

There were a whole lotta fall-throughs and rescheduled appointments this week which is frustrating because you just want to have a normal day, but then you remember that you can't because when you're a missionary, nothing ever goes according to plan. I feel like most of the time, we are just scrambling for something new to do because Plan A, B, all the way through Z always fall through simultaneously. Is it bad that I can't wait for the day that I won't have to plan out every single second of every single day? Because, yeah, I can't wait for that.

Caroling was taken to the next level this week! Sister Smith and I worked on a giant banner for at least 3 hours and it turned out pretty dang good, in our opinion. We took this sign to the populated town square and sang our guts out to passers-by and to the cars driving down the streets. People constantly were stopping and rolling their windows down to hear us sing and some were even asking if they could record us for their Snap Chats and Instagram's haha! We did it for 3 nights straight and I sang the loudest of all the missionaries which means my voice was completely gone 3 nights in a row. Christmas time is the best. Definitely one of my favorite memories of the mission!

 

Oh! We did have one really neat experience this week. We were talking to our Bishop one night and he said that his family wanted to do something special for one of our friends. We told him some suggestions of what they could do but after visiting our friend the next day, we determined that what they needed the most was a new roof because the one they have is leaking into the trailer and has completely destroyed their bedroom and the stuff inside of it. We were really scared to tell the Bishop because it was a really big thing to ask, but after some prayer, we knew that we needed to tell him. He was MORE THAN WILLING to help out and said he would do all he could to help them out! It was a huge act of charity that really touched my heart. I sat there having no idea what to say because how in the world do you thank people for doing things like that? I dunno, you probably had to be there to know how I felt but there were tears shed for sure. People are awesome! 

 

I think that's about all i can remember about this week. I'm excited for what the next one has in store! 

 

BYE Y'ALL, REMEMBER ALWAYS THIS--Jesus is the reason for the season.

I'm out.

Sister Lawson

1. A fun mural we found.

2. A pretty Southern, fall picture.

3. The finished banner! 3+ hours later...

4. Caroling on the Square. :)

 

 

Christmastime in "Carol"-ton

You know what's really cute about Carrollton? It's the best place to be during Christmas time simply because of the name. ADORABLE. But also it's awesome because Carrollton is just awesome any time of the year. 

 

This week featured a whole lot of meetings, going to the Alabama border, baby-sitting, adventures,  Christmas carols and Elder Barton's guitar. 

 

Highlights:

1. ARIEL!!!!!!! once upon a time on monday, we got a random text from a girl saved in the phone that said "Hey Sisters, I really want to start meeting with you again. Can we meet this Wednesday at 10 at the church?".....um k? So we did just that and met the most dry-Mormon girl you've ever seen in your life. She's been dating a member in the Buchanan branch and she's finally ready to be baptized! The best part is she already knows everything, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't live with her boyfriend, is completely normal and cute, and reads the scriptures and listens to Jeffrey R. Holland every day. Our job is going to be super easy with her. We love her already! IT WAS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! She's on date to be baptized on New Year's Eve.

 

2. Sister Smith and I got to be fake-STL's again for the week because one of the STL's has literally been dying in bed sick for the last 7 days. Her companion was going crazy so we offered to babysit while I went to MLC with the other one. That was pretty weird. But we spent a lot of time in their area--about 2 days--to help her be not-crazy anymore. 

 

3. There was a tornado warning! My first one in the South. We were forced to go indoors soooo after attempting to make some phone calls for the first hour, we kind of gave up and did crafts for the rest of the time instead. Haha we are the worst. MY ATTENTION SPAN HAS SHORTENED, I SWEAR. 

 

4. At a Sister's Conference, I got to see ALL my friends again! Sister Howell, Sister Hines...Even Sister Samuel from Snellville came all the way down to see me. IT WAS SO HAPPY! I have really missed everyone.

 

5. The weirdest thing is happening...I'm officially going to be one of the oldest in the mission. All my friends are leaving next transfer and I feel like I know absolutely no one anymore haha. Life is so weird. 

 

6. In honor of Christmastime, our district has spent the last 3 nights caroling at the hospital and it's been the most beautiful thing. I've never felt happier! Thankfully Elder Barton is a wizard on the guitar and and can play just about anything, and make it sound gorgeous. (Kind of reminds me of my home-boy Elder Tingey...Shoutout to you in "The Greatest OCM!")...Anyway, we're planning to go sing multiple times a week so it should be really good. 

 

I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on last Christmas compared to this Christmas....I'm really really different. My attitude, my beliefs, my testimony, my likes, my dislikes...I feel like for the most part I'm someone completely new. I wanted to write a lot more thoughts on my nostalgia, but of course, I'm out of time and Sister Smith is waiting patiently for me to log off. :)  DANG IT! 

 

I'll try again next week I guess!

BYE Y'ALL! (don't forget to #LightTheWorld!)

-Sister Lawson
 

1. Awkward family Christmas card from The Carrollton District.

2. Bye Jimmy! Don't die! (he's our Recent Convert friend)

3. Parking garage selfies post-caroling.

4. Sister Smith making the most out of her study time.

5. The cooky elders + Jimmy

6. Run Forrest, run!

Thankful for Jesus

Welp the time of year has come where people talk to us only to beg for money and to ask for help with the holidays. :) Welcome to Carrollton! 

 

Sadly, I really don't have a ton to say this week. Holidays are kind of rough because most people peace out or are "too busy" to talk. We didn't find any cool new friends and I'm sad because our teaching pool went from 13659478 to 0 in about 2 days. Life goes on though. 

 

We are getting the ball rolling to get Brenda to the temple for baptisms for the dead as soon as possible, but there are a lot of details to work out so we'll get back to ya next week on what happens. 

 

We helped out at the Soup Kitchen a lot and that's become my all-time favorite thing to do here in Carrollton. We've started helping out so frequently that we are officially some of the "regulars" and some of the guests know us by name. SUCCESS! 

 

There were multiple conversations we had with people this week about [unnamed new President] being the Anti-Christ so that was fun and hilarious. *This paragraph in no way reflects the beliefs of myself or the Church. Just sayin'. I don't even know what the heck is going on.*

 

Seeing as this is my first official holiday spent in the REAL South (because Snellville and PTC were actually FAKE-Southern), I learned a lot of neat things about Southern Thanksgiving cuisine from the Huckebas:

1. Stuffing is actually called 'dressing' and it's actually not chunky like Utah, it's just mush. Also it's made of cornbread which is....different.

2. Collards are a necessity, but not really the yummiest.

3. Everything has mayonnaise.

4. Turkeys are deep fried.

5. Gravy has hard boiled egg chunks and gizzards in it.

6. Actually everything has egg chunks in it. 

 

That's about all I can remember off the top of my head, but yeah. I think I like Utah Thanksgiving better haha. 

 

I feel terrible that this is the most lame Thanksgiving email of all time haha. but it was just a pretty average week! I do know for sure that I'm really thankful for family, friends, the gospel and Jesus. Lots and lots and lots to be grateful for. Life is good y'all. :) I'm content. 

 

Ummmm welp, I'm peacing out I guess!

Sister Lawson

1. Getting my daily "fruits" and vegetables. (Shout out to @BarbHarper for the snacks!)

2. Byyyeee Elder Kalosi :(

3. Servicing it up at the Soup Kitchen!

4. Thanksgiving with our favorite Southerners--the Huckebas!

5. Me torturing a cat <3

Pool parties are fun.

I'll just hit the most important stuff this week, sorry! It'll be a short one.

Transfer news: Sister Smith and I will both be staying here and spending the holidays together which we definitely screamed about for a good 5 minutes after we got the phone call (in a good way). Funny story: They originally told us that Sister Smith was leaving as a joke and she BAWLED. It was hilarious.

We had 5 baptisms this weekend and it was a "POOL PARTY" (haha get it? cuz water?)... First, Bryonna and Brandon were baptized at 10 am and it was cute. Sister Smith and I gave talks and there was a guitar, and life was just good. Then Brenda, Jasen and Angel were baptized at 3pm!

Here was the weird thing--NOT A SINGLE THING WENT WRONG. AT ALL. IT WAS AMAZING. So sadly, I don't have any crazy hilarious stories to tell you about the fiascos and stuff. :( but yes, everything was perfect.

I think one of the things that's been most amazing to me about this whole thing has been seeing how the whole ward has just welcomed Brenda and her family into the ward-family. The kids fit right in in primary, Brenda is one of the pack in relief society, members randomly give us stuff to give to them, and in Ward Council, the leaders have been talking about what they can do to help this family with little-to-nothing have a good holiday season. They never ask for anything, but the ward just sees a need and helps them fill it. Its pretty awesome to know that they'll be taken care of long after I'm gone. :) LIFE IS SO GOOD, YALL. (Sorry I couldn't share more thoughts on that, I'm running out of time!)

Before I head off, 2 quick and fun things that happened this week:

1. Remember a few weeks ago when I briefly mentioned the guy that artificially inseminates goats? yeah well we went to the actual farm where that happens to do some service feeding the goats. :) it was happy. I've done some really weird things on a mission. Life is weird.

2. I taught a lesson in a house COMPLETELY infested with bugs. I've never seen it that bad before. The whole ground was moving and so was the couch and the walls...yikes. the south is scary.

OK, sorry this is lame! 

LOVE YOU BYE

Sister Lawson

 

1. Goat farming. (The sun was in my eyes, don't laugh.)

2. Brenda and her fam! POOL PARTY, PT. 1

3. Bryonna and Brandon! POOL PARTY, PT. 2

 

 

 

"Why can't my life just be normal?"

This quote accurately sums up my life basically all the time.

I learned a new fact about Sister Smith this week: 

"[She's] not SUPERstitious, but [she is] a little stitious." 

(For real, she is REALLY superstitious.)

(First person to name where that quote comes from wins a date with me).

THERE IS SO MUCH to type and talk about. I'm sorry if I forget important things. Also ask me if I'm really stressed right now because I am. We have 2 baptisms to plan for because we couldn't get them to work out at the same time. So please send mucho prayers our way because it's gonna be rough haha. EXCITING THOUGH BECAUSE EVERYONE IS GETTING BAPTIZED THIS WEEKEND!!!! :) Brenda, Jasen, Angel, Bryonna and Brandon all passed their baptismal interview yesterday with flying colors. woo!

I might have to just do the cliche "Day by Day" thing to keep my thoughts straight because there was so much that happened.

Monday:

Actually nothing exciting happened this day.

Tuesday:

(It's weird that this happened this week, it feels like eternity ago.) TEMPLE TRIP! While I was in the temple this time around, I had this major realization that I hate waiting. That's all I will say about that haha. There are just so many good things I'm looking forward to that it can be hard to stay focused which is something I've been working really hard at for the last few weeks. The Lord revealed to me some things I can do to have better focus so we'll try it out. It'll be a battle, but I think I can do it.

 

I also got to see Brother and Sister Shaffer (aka basically my grandparents) from Snellville and it was so happy! They are now Elder and Sister Shaffer because they are doing a service mission here in the GAM so I'll get to see them all the time! LIFE IS SO GOOD. After our meeting, I saw them across the room for the first time in 7 months and started bawling my eyes out haha. Embarrassing. This same day, we had dinner at a member's house and this is a literal quote the husband said at the dinner table: "Breast feeding is fine, just harden up your nipples!".............k. Good thing he redeemed himself afterwards though because he gave us some actually good, real marriage advice haha.

Wednesday:

We went and taught Brenda and the kids about temples and it was the loudest, most unconventional temples lesson I've ever had haha. Brenda was really frustrated with the kids because they wouldn't stop talking and she couldn't ask us her questions so she yelled over them and at them the entire lesson. Kind of scary. But! She LOVES temples. She was really touched when we told her she could be sealed to "Paw-Paw" (her deceased husband) and it was CUTE. 

 

Due to the recent election, we got quite the array of responses while we were out tracting. (For future reference, the day after elections is a terrible day to do missionary work because people are in bad moods.) Multiple people told us they were too busy crying and couldn't talk about Jesus right then hahaha. LAME

Thursday:

For whatever reason, the Lord has blessed me to have really nice cars on my mission (**Shoutout to our blue friend, Daeqkwon in Snellville! Good times.**) On Thursday we drove to PTC to get a brand new car! IT'S SO NICE. And it starts automatically from our apartment hahaha. #blessed.

Friday:

I spent the day in Douglasville with the Spanish sisters on exchanges! Here is a message I learned: 

"hola! Estoy en intercambios con las hermanas de Espanol. ella me ha ensenado un poquito de Espanol. No se rie a mi acento malo. Tenga un buen dia!" *imagine me talking with a really bad accent.* But anyway, yes it was a good time but I had no clue what was happening WHATSOEVER. I literally felt like a greenie all over again. Then James and his mom had me over for a birthday party and it was HILARIOUS. They are seriously my favorite family ever. He also offered me alcohol which was slightly awkward but that's okay.

Saturday:

My cute Southern friends, the Huckebas had us over for dinner and invited us to their Thanksgiving service at their church the next day!

Sunday: 

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! We had Brenda, Jasen, Angel, James & his friend Sally, Alison, Bryonna and Brandon all at church! IT WAS AMAZING! Person after person just texted us that morning to confirm they were coming to church and it was the best to have all my good friends there with us. :) A recent convert guy made me a sword for a gift, and then we went to my first ever Baptist church service with the Huckebas. That was quite the experience but I won't go into details right now haha. I will just say that I KNOW this is Jesus Christ's church after going there!

Hopefully I didn't miss anything important but as you can tell it was a busy week haha. Probably the best week of my mission so far. :) LIFE IS SO GOOD, Y'ALL. 

If you made it to the end of this email without dying, I applaud you.

HAVE A GOOD ONE, 

I'M OUT.

Sister Lawson.

 

1. ELDER AND SISTER SHAFFER!!!! (From Snellville). BFFS

2. The new whip! 2017

3. Temple trip with Bae

4. Birthday cake from James and Mom..."Sister Lawson" wouldn't fit on the cake so they settled with "Brenna". haha...

5. Making dream catchers with Dixie.

 

 

 

Baptisms on the 19th

*Disclaimer--I think it's probably like 25 degrees in here so please excuse the grammatical and spelling errors I will undoubtedly make. Thanks*

*Also shout out to @MorgiePete for being way hilarious and giving me "humour inspiration"*

Okie dokie, it was a pretty alright week. 

Obviously some weird stuff happened because this is Carrollton and you can't ever have just a "normal week". But some REALLY good stuff happened too!

Weird stuff:

1. A woman we met at the door said she would only talk with us if we agreed to make dream catchers with her. So that's what we did right there on her porch. Definitely one of the weirder teaching experiences I've had. The South is a super weird place. 

2. We had the ultimate Black-Southern-Jesus moment when we met this lady named Marcell. She talked at us for about 45 minutes about how much she loves Jesus and told us all her devil possession stories, she read us almost every verse from Psalms, explained that we are breathing in Jesus every time we take a breath, and she even topped it off by singing us her favorite hymn at the end. Life is so good and hilarious.

3.We spent an entire hour-long dinner appointment talking about artificial goat-insemination (sp?) and now I know way too many things about goat-farming.

The GOOD stuff:

1. We had a bomb.com lesson with Brenda about tithing. We were originally really nervous about teaching this just because this family has next-to nothing. It's been a really humbling experience to teach them, and I've really grown to love them all SO much. When Brenda walked into church on Sunday, she said "Y'all! Where's the little paper to put this money in?!"....*Jaw dropped*. It's actually really amazing to me just how converted Brenda and her family have become. When I first met them, I honestly thought "Man, this is going to be really tough." They are definitely super A-typical future-Mormons, but I've never seen any family change as much as they have. Brenda's no longer chewing tobacco, they no longer drink coffee, they are paying tithing despite having so little to give, and they just glow more and more every time we come to see them. Shout out to them for their baptism happening on November 19th!

2. I can't remember if I've talked about them, but there's this part-member family of 2 kids that are getting reading for baptism on the 19th as well! Bryonna and Brandon. (The Elders also have a baptism the 19th...it's going to be one big Pool Party!). Teaching Bryonna and Brandon has been quite the struggle if I'm being honest...they're 8 and 9, so there's a lot of attention-span struggles obviously, but this has been off the charts. We finally figured out a way to keep both of their attention though--we bribe them with tater tots haha. Unconventional, but it works. While we were teaching them about prophets this week, for whatever reason we felt impressed to share the cliche 20-minute Restoration video with them. I think we watched it more for me than for them because while I watched this dumb video that I've seen 128,479 times, I felt the spirit so strongly telling me that Joseph Smith was a prophet when he got down on his knees to pray and God and Jesus Christ came to him to answer his prayer. It was a moment filled with so much love and that burning-in-your-bosom kind of feeling and I started to get teary eyed haha. Those little moments are the best. :)

3. We had MLC (Mission Leadership Conference) and President Foote asked us to share one thing we've learned while being a leader. As I sat there and thought, I remembered that the first time I was called to be an STL, I was 3 transfers into my mission, and the second time around I have 3 transfers left. I remembered how little I actually knew about life then and being a leader and how little I knew about what it means to really be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I still don't know everything, but I recognized that I've grown SO much in a short 8 months and I have 3 more transfers to grow in this little mission-greenhouse through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

 

That first time as an STL started me off on my 'path of humbling' that just really hasn't stopped since then haha. God has broken me down to my absolute lowest, and by the grace of His Son, He has slowly built me back up little by little into what He wants me to become. My heart of stone has been slowly changing into a heart of flesh, and it's the longest process ever, but thankfully I have a lifetime to change and not just 18 months. 

 

As always, I wish I could put my thoughts into better words but at least I know what I mean haha.

Thanks ya'll,

I'M OUT!

 

Sister Lawson

 

(Side Note - Brenna's release date will be March 30, 2017) woot woot.......